The Under-Sea Cinematic (Couch) Experience

For whatever reason, the past 24 hours has brought a cavalcade of submarine movies. I dunno why, but all I know is I now feel comfortable manning the sonar scope of any late-model boat made in the US, Germany or Russia, albeit with one minor caveat: movies never convey odors, so if the BO on any of those submarines is as bad as one might suspect, well, then I'll gladly breach enemy lines via Catamarand.

In the meantime, why is it that every submarine movie, at one point or other, makes the "pinging" an event of cosmic significance? These boats were and are, on average, the length of several football fields: why don't sub designers put in a windshield? Better to see the large black mass of metal coming towards you than trying to find something that big just by doing that constant pinging. It's almost as irritating as hearing the heartbeat monitor in every hospital scene that features someone dying. Is it me? Eh...don't answer that.

For better or worse, here's the short list:

K-19: The Widowmaker
Harrison Ford as executive producer and Liam Neeson as the protagonist, with a bunch of other solid performances on a movie that wound up being less-than-stellar. It occurred to me as the initial credits began rolling that this was one of Harrison Ford's few failures, at least in terms of the box office, and it's a shame -- the story's pretty solid, the acting is flawless, and the tension inherent in the situation is palpable. Set in 1961, essentially, this is the story of a sub captain (Liam Neeson) being stepped over by a Kremlin politico who steps in as Captain and keeps Neeson on as his second. The K-19 is the Soviet's first major nuclear sub but, like all things Soviet, isn't quite built as well as it was designed, and ends up not being quite sea-worthy. Considering the sub sports a nuclear reactor, the sea isn't the best place to find out that the nuclear core has failed, is leaking radiation and will kill all the men on board the sub. Consider also the power struggle between Neeson and Harrison Ford (who grows more stoic as the movie progresses) and the looming encounter with an American destroyer 2 miles off their port side and the movie was worth a look-see. Very much an effective way of demonstrating the cramped, claustrophobic quarters in modern submarines. Also, since this movie portrayed the Soviet perspective on the nuclear race, it was interesting to note the tangible Cold War and political issues that were supposedly rampant prior to the falling of the Wall and Communism. An interesting statement on politics, personal relationships and how military service and experience, regardless of which side, combined to define a generation and geopolitics for the coming half-century.

Das Boot
The original, Das Boot ("The Boat" in German), is the quintissential U-boat thriller. Starring Jürgen Prochnow, a character actor who soon will be starring as Arnold Schwarzenegger in a story about his rise to the California governorship, this movie defines why the "ensemble" cast beats the shit out of a few high-profile stars, hands down. This movie tells the story of a submarine crew from the German perspective and shows, yet again, the humanity and the futility of war, no matter what flag to which you swear allegiance.

Part of why this movie excels is some clever, Hitchcockian maneuvering. Director Wolfgang Peterson kept the "crew" of the ship inside and out of the sunlight for the span of the filming, thus reinforcing the look (and the "crew's" sense) of being in a ship without light for months at a time. Incredibly real, incredible tension, and hearing depth charges on a good home theatre system (my couch shakes with each charge) makes the experience -- ie, the film -- real and harrowing. Long at 209 minutes but gripping.

Crimson Tide
Gene Hackman, Denzel Washington and a solid supporting cast (George Dzundza, James Gandolfini, Steve Zahn, Viggo Mortensen), in the space of 116 minutes, demonstrate why there is strict military protocol whenever nuclear weapons are concerned. This is a Bruckheimer & Simpson combo, the same production duo that brought The Rock and several other adrenaline-surge movies, and this one really heats up. The conflict over whether to launch nuclear missiles in response to a Chechen revolt, and the subsequent loss of communication, tips the tension to the redline, and the diametrically-opposed characters make excellent cases for their positions. Knowing nuclear weapons are at the center of the conflict is where the fun starts.

The interplay between Hackman and Washington is so strong it generates sparks, and the soundtrack only serves to reinforce the fear, the unknown, and the sense of duty, honor and courage that accompanies submarine duty. Yet another film which demonstrates, par excellance, the paranoid claustrophobia that permeates life on a sub, and the dialogue, the back-and-forth and the tension is thicker than freshly-curdled butter, and lots tastier.

The Hunt For Red October
The first of Tom Clancy's military novels hit the screen with a lot of fanfare and notoriety, mostly due to the cast, which featured Alec Baldwin, James Earl Jones, and Sean Connery. Personally, I'd read a half-dozen of Clancy's novels before this reached theaters, and I found that the first 80% of the novel snoozed by in a techno-babble that made the final 20% of the novel exciting, pounding and memorable. The movie, for the most part, is no different, except for the presence of some very notable, gifted supporting actors, including Sam Neill (who is always good, whether he's chasing dinosaurs, saboteurs aboard a nuclear sub or his father, Satan) and Scott Glenn (a top-notch supporting player). The politics of nuclear technology, East vs. West, and the notion of who really controls the dogs of war are all at play here, replete with twists and turns that guide the movie onward. Though the climactic finish is altered for cinematic and logistical plausibility, the movie starts out slow and stays there for some time, but the payoff is worth it, if you can manage to keep awake and follow along. Worth a view and a listen and to marvel at Connery's ability to portray anyone who he damn well pleases.

U-571
This "Young Guns" of the deep features a cast of Matthew McConaughey, Bill Paxton, Harvey Keitel, Jon Bon Jovi and David Keith; it's well-done but it's also a second-place finisher in comparison with the films mentioned above, if for no other reason than it's merely adequate. A lot of the movie focuses on the sonar/pinging phenomenon, and while that might be accurate to World War II submarine technique, it makes for lousy cinema. Even while watched via a capable home theatre system, the pinging and the sonic aspect of the film grew tiring, and the mission -- to capture a German decoding machine to help the Allies win the war -- seemed to be less important than hoping for the conclusion to the film. The tension is there, the claustrophobia is there, the capable cast is there, but the impetus to want to see the film again isn't.

With Saving Private Ryan, The Thin Red Line and Behind Enemy Lines, modern filmmakers presented a new perspective on war films that will leave many modern viewers forgetting about John Wayne, Lee Marvin and many other long-gone actors who shed cinematic blood for on-film wars. But the submarine genre, to this day and beyond, will remain, especially because but not limited to the fact that subs are out there in the icy waters of the Atlantic and beyond, guarding and monitoring and listening and watching, and the mystery and the capability and the power lurking down below the surface is captivating, mysterious and intoxicating.

One day someone will best Das Boot and Crimson Tide, without a doubt. The key to any great movie in this particular genre is creating a story and a purpose for installing the viewer square in the middle of a monumental conflict, not merely effects and accurate sounds to heighten the tension. The stories that work feature far-reaching implications, and they remind us that once we've climbed aboard the sub we can't get off until the mission's over, and quickly reel us in so that we refuse to miss a second even if we could.

Periscope down, prepare to dive.