A Quick Run To Jersey

We braved the cold, the traffic and the week-night schedule and made our way out of NYC to New Jersey to visit my father, recovering slowly-but-surely at home, to have dinner, go over some files and to get some quality time in with the Big Man.

After spending 90 minutes on the West Side Highway, traffic which was a result of an emergency upper-level GWB closure, we crossed into New Jersey and 20 minutes later found ourselves in their driveway. Walking through the front door, it occurred to me that this was somewhat anti-climactic. As excited as I was having him home and recovering and getting back to himself, I also realized something: this whole experience, at least knowing how close we came to losing him, taught me that life is indeed a precious, precarious, uncertain, mysterious ride.

I know that sounds hackneyed and cliché: but as a son, my parents being there for me emotionally has always been a constant in my life. I've known some people whose parents are awful, dysfunctional, distant and unavailable, but I never could quite put myself in their shoes, and I thank god daily for that. Above and beyond the fact that my parents have always been there for me in a caring, loving way, they're my friends, despite their flaws as people. So I guess facing my dad's mortality has forced me to examine my life and my own mortality. And as much as I am excited and thrilled and relieved and happy and thankful that he's at home, I also know that one day I will be in a different place, and I guess knowing that, acknowledging it, has shaken me more than I wish it had. But I've realized I'm too happy to let the 1% of worry & concern over what might be taint the remaining 99%.

I spoke to my family doctor today to get a refill of a medication, and of course he told me he'd handle it without question; to his inquiries about my father and my mother and my sister, I told him we all were doing great and all was, finally, going really well. He then asked about me, and I told him I was finally feeling great and waking up happy. He asked me about the situation that caused all of this, and of course I told him it was erased from my life long ago. I then proceeded to tell him about how, as my father was recovering, I'd met and fell in love with the greatest woman I've ever known. I told him there was a time where I almost felt guilty being as happy as I was, having this incredible woman sweep into my life, and how I finally relented, chalking it up to "everything for a reason." So, hearing where I was, he advised me "I don't think I could be any happier for you guys. I'm thrilled. And I'm glad you're doing as great as you are." My response, simply, was, "What complaints could I have? Everything is amazing."

We hung up, and I realized that there's no day that will be worse than what I've already endured, no pain which can exceed that which I've experienced, and nothing I can't accomplish now that I've found where I want to be and with whom.

And I smiled.