Wednesday, January 19, 2005

A Little Help

Far be it from me to complain, but I could not help but noticing that every hour, from ESPN to The Food Network to the Sci-Fi Channel to magazine inserts, there is nowhere one can look these days without encountering one or more of the dreaded trio, Viagara, Cialis and/or Levitra.

The "little blue pill," aka Viagara, began popping up (no pun intended) a half-dozen or so years ago, and since then, the, um, cat's out of the bag...since then, erectile dysfunction seemingly has become a topic which can be interspersed with yeast infections, halitosis and the ever-popular exzcema. They have morphed into items for discussion at cocktail parties and lunch, instead of closeted jokes mentioned in passing during late-night monologues and the Playboy joke page (or even the occasional Jim Carrey movie).

The majority of the television ads for these products (those I've seen, anyway) usually depict a happy, older couple (say, in their late 40's or 50's) longingly eyeing one another, walking hand in hand, or lounging about in bathtubs set on outdoor docks. I'm not exactly sure why the aforementioned tubs are on docks in the middle of the great outdoors, but I'm sure there's a good reason for same (although that, clearly, would explain the gentleman's inability to "get ready").

I'm not sure when it became fine and dandy to suffer publicly with this problem (usually it was a colloquial description of the issue, ie 'my sex life is like shooting pool with a rope') rather than referring to "ED." I think it began around the time Rafael Palmeiro, a rather sturdy-looking baseball player, began appearing in Viagara ads. The idea, clearly, was to suggest that if Rafael Palmeiro can't get it up, then there's nothing wrong with the viewer in his inability to get it up. Except I think that's clearly the wrong message.

We live in a culture of Maxim, increasingly revealing fashion, porno stars as celebrities and Internet Porn; once we (sic) evolved through the 1980's and the 1990's, we became inundated with more and more skin being shown publicly, whether it was on a PC monitor, in a strip club, on the cover of adolescent magazines or on the street. We live in an age of Hooters calling itself (without snickering) a family restaurant. Strip clubs are now surreptitiously regarded as "upscale" and hookers have been replaced with "escort services."

Nomenclature aside, then, that we have increasingly fostered and/or accepted a dial-up, order in and enjoy (on the clock) sexual gratification, from the virtual (onscreen) to the literal (escorts). And if our on-demand gratification isn't compatible with our otherwise pre-emptive schedules, then we can take a pill (if same is necessary) to insure we can get it done.

I'm not tsk-tsking men who require any of the three aforementioned impotency drugs; I do, however, wonder where the next stop on the kama sutra food chain this is going. Perhaps the rise of AIDS and other serious sexually transmitted diseases are in part to blame; rather than finding gratification outside a marriage, more men are staying home and using drugs to make the situation, and their equipment, work. It just somehow rings hollow when society and technology combine to provide a pill for the pitfalls of daily life, whether it's Prozac and Xanax to make people feel happy, Ritalin to alleviate our miniscule, MTV-era attention spans, or Viagara et al to insure we as a culture can enjoy being intimate with our partners, be they long-term or first dates.

The one positive result of all this advertising for erectile dysfunction is that I rarely see specific, dinner-time ads hawking diarrhea cures like Immodium, aka Liquid Hoover Dam. And even better, I don't remember the last time I witnessed a daughter asking her mother, "Mom, do you ever have that feeling of being...you know...not so fresh?"

I'd continue with this, but I just heard, from the TV playing in the background, an ad for Depends "Adult Undergarments." And I realized that this all is a losing battle. It will never be safe to watch TV while eating dinner ever again.

If anyone needs me, I'll be locked in the bathroom with a copy of War & Peace.


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