Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Second Annual HoB Dumb-Ass Award goes to...

...Heidi Dalibor, of Grafton, Wisconsin.

What really amazes me about Ms. Dalibor's incredible achievement, ie being crowned the Second Annual HoB Dumb-Ass, is that she did so by reading. Most people achieve this type notoriety by doing something really, really dumb, like using the rear hitch on their pickup to rip the front of an ATM from its hinges, only to find instead the bumper is ripped from the pickup and, as they drive off in fear, they forget to collect the bumper, or, more importantly, their license plate/tag attached to the bumper.


Ms. Dalibor's achievement, however -- as incredible, ridiculous and downright pathetic -- is the result of being arrested for refusing to return two library books.

I'm not sure what bothered me more about this story -- first, that in her booking photo (here's a link), she's smiling as if she just won a check from Publisher's Clearing House, or second, that she decided, after all this bullshit (including threats and a scheduled court date which she skipped) -- and actually admitted for the record -- "I still have the books and I don’t plan to return them because they’re paid for now."

If I got arrested for something this stupid and had even the slightest suspicion I might be singled out for stupidity across the nation -- if not the world -- I wouldn't be all shits n' giggles n' smiles. I'd be hanging my head as if I just got drunk and shit on the mayor's lawn. If it was something not so bad -- ie being caught cavorting after midnight with the Swedish Bikini Team sorority on Naked Pillowfight Night, I'd be smiling the biggest grin this side o' Pecos County. This shitbird -- Heidi Dalibor -- should be really embarrassed. The fact that she isn't, and that she's keeping the books after everything that's happened, has earned her a year of being referred to properly, by her new title:



Roberta said...

Good lord. Her brain is frozen from living in northern Greenland, which, like Northern Ireland, is a SEPARATE ENTITY from the Greenland where I reside. ;)

Dumb bitch.


Boogie said...


I can't completely fault this Heidi Dalibor Dumb-Ass completely; after all, she was taking books out of the library (if she had a similar attitude towards returning DVD's to Blockbuster, she'd be copping full-on Shitbird status). However, on the other side o' the coin, it's ironic that someone who reads is so willing and forthcomingly honest in their attempt to proudly display their stupidity.

Kooky :-)