Monday, August 04, 2008

I Care So Little I'm Gonna Write A Shitload About It

Being that I'm a purveyor of useless, irritating opinion and/or information -- and not just through these pages -- I can't help but advise the reader that the "Brett Favre" saga appears to have taken a major shift.

I apologize to those of you who neither know nor care who Brett Favre is -- even if the name does seem distantly familiar (if you saw "There's Something About Mary" you may recall Mr. Favre's name). However, while I was tempted to title this post something akin to "Who Gives A Flying Shit?" I did not miss the hypocrisy of writing about something that is so meaningless. Yet, that is exactly the point that brought me to address it herein.

The essence of the situation, as it stands, is Mr. Favre, who after this season reluctantly and emotionally retired from football after 16 seasons playing for the Green Bay Packers, opted to return to football less than six months after he called it a career. However, the Packers, who had already planned on being without Mr. Favre, had anointed his backup, Aaron Rodgers, as the starter. When Mr. Favre indicated his intent to return to football, and to the Packers, with whom his contract was still in effect through 2010, the Packers balked and advised him to stay retired and that they had already decided to move forward with Mr. Rodgers (I know, it's funny) at the helm. Thus a stalemate was born.

Mr. Favre persevered, and instead of taking their advice, he privately and publicly went on the offensive; to the former, he contacted the Packers front office -- specifically, Green Bay Packers president Mark Murphy, general manager Ted Thompson and head coach Mike McCarthy. To the latter, he had his friend, Greta Van Sustern, interview him on CNN in connection with the stalemate.

So instead of this situation being handled with the appropriate dignity and insignificance befitting a dispute between a football player and a football franchise -- in the middle of Wisconsin, natch -- this has become national news. Today, after some involvement from NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Mr. Favre will be returning to the Green Bay Packers training camp and will be given -- ostensibly, anyway -- the chance to compete for the starting QB role.


Now that the entire situation has been summed up, it's fairly clear that this entire mess is a complete joke.

Essentially, after a lot of posturing, bullshit, whining, finger-pointing and very (unnecessary) politicking, everything looks like it will, likely, fall back into the place in Green Bay, Wisconsin.


The same bullshit, round-robin crapfest that defined the Yankees and Alex Rodriguez during this past off-season and Mr. Favre's campaign trail compassion-seeking mission happens all over the sports map. To wit, Pete Rose has spent the last 15 years trying to get someone -- anyone -- to listen to why this ex-baseball great and current dirtbag should be in the Baseball Hall of Fame. The thing is, inasmuch as there are people who really care about Brett Favre, Alex Rodriguez or Pete Rose -- or all of them -- do we need daily doses -- sometimes multiple doses per day -- of said athlete's current situation? Did we need an ESPN-sponsored press conference telling us all of what was pretty clear for even the casual observer? More importantly, do we need Greta Van Sustern's involvement in a matter that was so over-reported that many of us who cared -- at all -- were nauseated by the third day of the constant 24-hour watch.


I understand that ESPN tries to take itself seriously. And as much as I enjoy ESPN, with every "Boo-Yah!" the network reminds us that, like network news, all the horseshit that spews forth between commercials is about entertainment. If you want information, hit the internet. If you want to debate whether Katie Couric or Dan Rather or Walter Cronkie or Tom Brokaw or Brian Williams is the best newscaster, let me know so I can leave the room. It's the medium that's the problem; is there such a dearth of actual news that CNN felt it appropriate to broadcast an interview with a waffling, aging veteran who can't make up his mind and appears, instead, to be a petulant, selfish baby?

Well, after all these words and the last two weeks of "news," I'd like to formally advise Mr. Favre, ESPN, CNN and the entire fan base of the Green Bay Packers that most, if not all, people don't give a shit. They have a growing distaste for masturbatory, overly anal news that is neither interesting nor newsworthy. They are weary of the medium -- whether it is a news broadcast, a newspaper, or a website -- filling itself with fluff, stupidity and artificially-inseminated opinion.

Granted, this site is typically guilty of much, if not all, of the things listed above.

But I digress.

The point of this extended diatribe is -- in all seriousness -- perhaps as guilty of over-indulgence as the target thereof. Therein lies the rub. How can one effectively -- without hypocritical irony -- demonstrate that wasting our time on news we care nothing about is an irritation that should be discontinued? Being silent in response to this practice seems less than effective.

So, instead of an extended yawn-fest like this, perhaps I should just include an open letter:

Dear Mr. Favre:

Get a life, you dumb-ass hick. Quit jerking off an entire football organization, quit putting yourself before the team for which you claim to have so much respect, and get started farming rudebagas, rhubarb and whatever else they grow in Mississippi. And stay out of the news already.


Thank you.

Your friend, Boogie P. Booginacious, III


Anonymous said...

Brett Farve is an idiot, he should just stay retired. Plus he sucks.

JR in GB

Patti's Parlor said...

Farve traded to the Jets? Say it isn't so!

Boogie said...

Amazing...the guy's played nearly 20 years, done everything an athlete can do within the bounds of endurance and achievement within his sport, and then -- in a abbreviated off-season, he's managed to undo all his achievement and come off like a complete tool.

And to add insult to injury, he'll wind up on a mediocre -- at best -- team like the Jets.


morpheus66 said...

Mediocre? You're a sad, strange little man, my friend.

The JETS! who were once wallowing in QB hell now have a chance at greatness. We've had great defenses, great running backs and receivers, all uselessly squandered (like tits on a bull) by the lack of a true leader to complete the picture. While enduring such mediocre arms as Chad Pennington (who at least DID had character and poise, unlike Favre), we haven't had a decent quarterback for this franchise since Joe Namath (Vinny Testaverde doesn't count even though he led one of the world's greatest 4th quarter comebacks EVER against the Miami Dolphins).

So, even though Favre was a spineless, classless, self-important whiner and all-around cry-baby, and I completely disagree with the way he handled his entrance back into the game he supposedly loves, he has a chance to redeem himself by doing the one thing he knows how to do well, which is play incredible football - he has the potential to take a team deserving of greatness and help elevate them to the level of play which they so richly deserve. His one chance to redeem himself would be to make all this bullshit hype and news nonsense worthwhile. There will hopefully be a day where my thoughts following the Jets/Patriots games won't consist of, "aww shucks, they made it a 3-point game and COULDA won it IF they had a complete offense," to "HOLY SHIT! Did you see that amazing pass from Favre to Cochery to BEAT THE PANTS off of Brady's Boys?!!!!!"

Hey, a guy can dream, right? So let it be written, so let it be done.

-Marky Mark
(stay away from my funky bunch, you half-a-fag, you... LOL)

Boogie said...


Sad? Strange? Little? Who you callin' sad an' little? :-)

No doubt Favre's talents are still there; it’s not as if he’ll hurt the Jets by being a lame-duck QB. Well, actually, he can -- if he spends the season getting them closer and then suddenly splits and decides to retire -- again -- and stay retired (for a change).

Mostly, it's about the non-football aspect of it. It's about a no-nonsense balls-to-the-wall player suddenly devolving into a guy who had a hissy and went to Greta Van Sustern because no one else (‘cept for every media reporter from here to Pecos County) was willing to pay attention.

In football, there's a code -- just like in hockey, baseball, basketball, even tennis -- and for me, he violated that code by doing the whole talkshow wah-wah-wah thing. In other words, he went from Iron Brett to Soft, Sensitive, I-Got-Fucked-At-The-Drive-Through Brett. And frankly, judging by the reaction of most fans to his re-entry into the NFL, you and I aren’t the only ones who agree this whole thing got way out of hand and went from a legit issue to masturbatory stupidity.

Knowing that the NFL is all about perception, I wonder what his fellow players think about him. Do they regard him as the guy who got trounced by an NFL franchise, or was he the guy who managed to NOT get trounced by an NFL franchise? And despite the fact he wanted to be in Chicago or Minnesota, does his going to the Jets make all of this seem sort of -- flaccid? After this lengthy, ridiculous spectacle -- one that could have been easily avoided -- I wonder how his fellow players will perceive him.

And I agree, if he does lead the Jets deep into the playoffs, most of this will be forgotten. But even so, this will be part of the discussion Boomer and the other ESPN cartoon characters invoke before #4’s introduced wearing his pale yellow blazer.

Oh, and incidentally -- all of this discussion about the Jets doing anything meaningful this year will be over by week 2 when it is clear the Giants will repeat ;-)