The Bittersweet March of Time

In my post-working weekend, pre-Monday routine, I was getting my work and non-work prepped for any usual Monday. Except this upcoming Monday is no usual Monday.

Not having my other half here in NYC is awful; not being able to go to sleep and wake up with her is difficult, to say the least. But we handle it. But on days like Valentine's Day, it's even more difficult if for no other reason than we each want nothing more than to spend the day with one another, and the holiday serves to remind us that -- for the time being, anyway -- she's there and I'm here.

I'm somewhat surprised to find myself missing her even more than I do normally. For the most part, I didn't think I could miss her more than I already do; maybe it's just that she'll be here Thursday that has my thoughts in a stronger-than-normal tailspin. It's just that I haven't felt so strongly or missed having someone I care about in awhile, so the extra oomph I've been feeling these days is really intriguing.

I feel guilty complaining, what with all my family has endured since the summer. And words can't express how happy I am my parents will get to spend Valentine's Day together; while my dad still isn't 100%, I am sure they'll go out and celebrate the day and the fact that they're still together, still happy and still love each other deeply. And it's yet another "big day" that I can smile, exhale and know my father's doing well and not be defined by the misery of the recent past.

So as much as I know I shouldn't complain, how relieved I am to be where I am right now, and headed in the direction I am, I suppose it's the bittersweet combination of caring so deeply about someone yet having to endure being apart from her for any amount of time. And as much as it is lousy waking up without her and having to say goodnight on the phone, I know it could be a lot worse and the future a lot less bright. The need to schedule, label, define, understand and verbalize the situation is no longer a requirement or an issue, but my relief as a result of that absence is largely insignificant, though a definite plus. All things being equal, as per usual, I really can't complain.

As my other half and I concluded both individually and jointly, we might be apart, but we're still together. And that, for me, exemplifies, defines and clarifies the "sweet."

And makes this Valentine's Day something to celebrate, not just today, but every day.