Last night I was flippin' channels and saw the Mr. & Mrs. Britney Spears reality show on UPN, which is like the ugly red-headed step-sister of TV networks. What I didn't realize at the time was that the show debuted last night -- shame on me for not keeping up with useless, inane pop-culture horseshit (which adequately describes Ms. Spears and Mr. Ms. Spears) -- so I watched it for about twenty seconds. It's refreshing to know that people this stupid are procreating; it would worry me to consider that they were in City Government, helping keep us safe at night, or raising the future of this country (um...scratch that last part).
In either case, David Letterman had the cute-as-punch intellectuals do the Top 10 List on his show last night, so I figured I'd violate copyright law and include it here. I'm sure you can find the same list at Letterman's website at CBS.com, but it's so much more fun without all those crazy links, flashing icons and pictures of David Letterman's hair. So without further ado, following is last night's Top 10 List, entitled "[Britney & Kevin's] Top 10 reasons to check out their new show:"
10. Britney: There's never-before-seen footage of me wrestling an alligator.
9. Kevin: Unlike those "Desperate Housewives" chicks, we're not, like, 60 years old.
8. Britney: It's like "American Idol" except no one sleeps with Paula Abdul.
7. Kevin: In the first episode, you can see my ass.
6. Britney: I'm hot.
5. Kevin: She's hot.
4. Britney and Kevin: We haven't had nearly enough media coverage.
3. Britney: It's gotta be better than this show.
2. Kevin: If enough people tune in, maybe my wife will make out with Madonna again.
1. Britney: In the season finale, you'll find out that Dave is the father of my baby -- oops.
Incidentally, that is the longest and most thorough discussion involving Brittany Spears that will ever appear in these pages. I mention this not in striving to uphold a sense of decorum, nor to aspire to a sense of journalistic integrity, nor to focus on relevant, pertinent issues...it's that after focusing on Ms. Spears for more than 10 minutes, I get the agita somethin' fierce ;-)
So if you're looking for more Britney news, go elsewhere.