Tuesday, March 03, 2009

A Mensa Moment or Two

Wellums, yet another annual deadline has come and gone. Since this recently-expired deadline was one which didn't directly affect my specific focus, it's not something I have burned into my calendar and my subconscious as are my quarterly filing deadlines. However, since said deadline was and is of major significance, everything pretty much stopped and/or was pushed to the back burner to enable us to focus entirely on this (past) deadline.

Except now, because there are another half-dozen things which are not quite but soon approaching fire drill status, that moment of post-deadline exhale will, like each year prior, have to wait for awhile.

To that end, I could wax nostalgic as to how I managed to address everything properly, accurately, correctly and fully, but there were a couple of glitches. Essentially, because of time and behavior constraints, I wasn't able to review everything before it went out the door and, consequently, our output wasn't quite 100%. But since there was essentially no penalty and no real repercussions -- other than my pride and the fact that I strive to insure everything I complete is done perfectly -- there was no damage done.

Exhale? No.

Aside from the completed deadline, I came across some stories of stupidity which I feel belong in the collection I've amassed in these pages. The most recent of these, you may recall, was this story about a nitwit and his adulation of Adolph Hitler. I'm not sure who told me, but my recollection is the offspring of said sub-genius were taken by child services. Too late, in my estimation; as the saying goes: "Stupid people come from stupid parents." Too late.

In either case, not to worry: there's far more stupidity from whence that came. Most notably, there's the super-mom who was charged with simultaneously breast-feeding and talking on a cell phone -- while driving.

I'm not really sure what is the most egregious of these activities; should the long arm of Joey Bag O'Doughnuts penalize her infant's need for nutrition? Should Joey poo-poo Ms. Genine Compton, the charged, with her clearly highly-competent driving skills? Should we as a society be critical of her need for social interaction simply because she was using a cell-phone? Au contraire. I think Ms. Compton should be rewarded for her clearly above-average skill as not only a driver, a breast-feeder or a user of a cell-phone. She should be commended, not criticized, for the fact that she can perform all of these activities simultaneously.

And of course, we should televise the following: tie her up, place her in the middle lane of the Grand Central Parkway during rush hour, and then give 1,000 drivers hungry babies and fully-charged cell phones and front-grill cow-catchers.

And hope for the best.

I'd watch that over Wheel of Fortune. Hell, I'd even pay for that privilege.

That would surely have more educational impact on Ms. Compton than a mere $1,800 fine and/or 180 days in the Big House.

Thank you, Ms. Compton, for reminding us why prophylactics were invented.

The other equally-impressive news item that landed on my proverbial desk was the story of Acea Schomaker, a Lincoln, Nebraska man who combined his love for marijuana, his obvious sensitivity to his cat's needs and his MacGuyver-like creative ability to make cool stuff.

Apparently, Mr. Schomaker was kickin' it back and was concerned about his six-month-old kitten, Shadow. Apparently, Shadow was relatively hyper so Mr. Schomaker created a contraption. Said contraption was a plastic box with a garden hose sticking out of it that could be used to smoke marijuana -- said contraption, for simplicity's sake, will heretofore be known as a "bong."

Mr. Schomaker proceeded to put Shadow into the bong -- the six-by-twelve box, mind you -- and then proceeded to light up the mary jane. Apparently, somehow, local police were tipped -- apparently, a "domestic disturbance call" brought them to Mr. Schomaker's location -- and they charged him with endangering the welfare of an animal. They will likely also charge him with consumption and/or possession of illegal substance(s).

Unfortunately, no matter with what they charge him, there's not enough jail time nor fines to cure someone of extreme and utter stupidity.

These and more stories remind us why condom use is something for which we should strive, and, on a side note, demonstrate that China's law against having multiple children isn't as invasive or inappropriate as we might have once believed.

Thanks to Genine Compton and Acea Schomaker for being such special people.

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