Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Like A Feather In The Wind

Despite the title of today's post being a direct rip-off of lyrics from Led Zeppelin's "All My Love," today's post has nothing to do with romance. Instead, it owes its inspiration to the fact that some people are just way, way out there.

Our story focuses on U.S. Navy Capt. Lisa Nowak, 43, a married mother of three who was chosen by NASA to be shot into space this past July to the international space station. Ms. Nowak, apparently, however, was seeing stars when she met Discovery astronaut Navy Cmdr. William Oefelein. She and Oefelein had some sort of relationship -- to what degree is somewhat unclear -- but apparently, Oefelein, who has two children but remains unmarried, was, according to Nowak, also seeing another woman named Colleen Shipman. So Ms. Nowak decided to track down Ms. Shipman and "defend her turf."

So, like any other strong, confident female astronaut, Ms. Nowak got into her car in Houston, equipped with the following items: a wig, a BB gun, a steel mallet, a 4-inch folding knife, rubber tubing, $600 and garbage bags. After searching her vehicle, police found a pepper spray package, an unused BB-gun cartridge, latex gloves and e-mails between Shipman and Oefelein. They also found a letter “that indicated how much Mrs. Nowak loved Mr. Oefelein,” an opened package for a buck knife, Shipman’s home address and hand written directions to the address, the arrest affidavit said.

Apparently, it turns out, Ms. Nowak decided to drive -- really, really fast -- from Houston to Orlando to intercept Ms. Shipman, who was due to fly from Houston to Orlando -- to make this confrontation happen. She was in such a hurry that she purchased and wore diapers in order to avoid having to stop to go to the bathroom (nice touch -- I never thought of trying that).

Essentially, police say that Ms. Nowak intended to intimidate or kidnap Ms. Shipman to prevent her from maintaining a relationship with Oefelein. Hence the Buck knife, the pepper spray, the tubing, the garbage bags and, of course, the diapers, which astronauts wear during takeoffs and landings. Personally, I think the diapers are a poignant tribute to Mr. Oefelein; how many women would don a pair of Pampers and drive a thousand miles just to confront the one you love? Ms. Nowak must be very special indeed.

Either that, or she's really, really out there.

Incidentally, what first attracted me to this story of an out-of-this-world love triangle gone bad was not the driving-in-diapers angle, although that would be sufficient under normal circumstances. It was a news report on NYC's ABC affiliate's reporting on this particular story. They indicated that NASA would probably never allow Ms. Nowak to go into space again because she was apparently so mentally unhinged. Moreover, authorities, once they had captured Ms. Nowak, were holding Ms. Nowak without bond.

Apparently, it's because she's a flight risk.


LisaBinDaCity said...

The punning zone is alive and well. Boo! Hiss!

What a freaky story.

Boogie said...

Well, so we're clear, this is the first time an astronaut -- an active, full-fledged astronaut -- has ever gone loopy and done something this whacky. Second, inasmuch as I would have liked to have taken credit for many of the puns herein, the "she's a flight risk" belongs to Channel 7 in NYC; in fact, as I opined to my other half, it ranks up there with Owen Wilson decrying Steely Dan's interference in the production of his new movie, "Hey Nineteen."

You just can't make this shit up :)

"The astronaut was being held without bond because police consider her a flight risk."


Kaia said...

She's a flight risk, but only in Houston...I wonder how fast you can run in an astronaut suit ;)