As if the fever pitch couldn't be wound any tighter, last night was a barrage of reminders of to-do items, errands, requirements, pitfalls and needs. Aside from Kaia, there was far too much shit hitting the fan, and since we were out of sync -- she with stuff on her end, me with stuff on mine -- it was a tough early part of the evening. The saving grace, of course, is that no matter when, where or why she and I speak, I always manage to smile. I'm not sure if it's seeing her picture on the caller ID on my cellphone, hearing her distinctive ring or knowing it's her as I'm moving through the darkness in my apartment; but whenever she and I connect, it's like putting flame to a pile of dried leaves, only without the weird, burnt smell.
Around 10 last night my phone rang, and, assuming it was Kaia, without plying my eyes from the spreadsheet on my screen, I grabbed it. It actually turned out to be a friend of mine from Georgia-cum-DC-cum-Singapore; he's from a town outside Atlanta, but when he got married he and his wife picked DC to live; however, since he works for Habitat for Humanity, he's been on the road, and the last few months, that road has led to Singapore.
I'm not sure if he has a calling card or if he was calling me from his office (odds are the latter, as he's 13 hours ahead) but we wound up talking for thirty or forty minutes; essentially, I gave him a run-down of the last six weeks in my world, and he gave me a quick run down of the last six weeks in his. I also, genuinely, told him I felt badly not speaking to him over Thanksgiving or giving him more detail sooner, but it's hard to share personal stuff as impersonally as in e-mail, and I'm the last person that sends a "Call me" e-mail -- especially to people halfway around the world, no matter how dear the friend.
So in short, we caught up a bit and it was good; Once again, amid the business and personal hailstorms I find myself in, it's always good to check in with friends that have served as anchors over the years. I hope it's reciprocal, but these days I am going out of my way not to seek out help or assistance or anyone on whom to lean; it just happens that they manage to show up every now and again and remind it's okay if I wanna.
Like I've said elsewhere herein, every day is Thanksgiving.
Recently I had a conversation with my grandmother, who has said to me on a number of occasions that she feels badly if she's being a burden. I tell her not to worry and that she's not a burden and that things could be a lot worse.
It occurred to me I should take my own advice.
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5 comments:
I like that weird burnt smell.
Finally! Something we don't agree on. Phew. ;)
Love you madly - K
I never said I didn't like that smell -- just that it wasn't omnipresent :)
In fact, I kinda like the...ah, nevermind :-D
I'm the same way, I don't want to ask for help or burden my friends with my issues and there is no one in my family to talk out these things with.
But I when I do unload on a friend or my sister in law, I find that I feel so much better. You need to take good care of yourself as I want to be at your wedding!! Kaia if you're reading this, the same goes for you!!!
Filo:
No matter how shitty or how awful things get, the one thing that connects us -- all of us -- is that we eventually will face days that we'd prefer never arrive. For others it's bad news -- for us, however, it's what keeps us up way after hours or distracts us from our otherwise mundane daily existence.
What I've found is that no matter how things are going, it's better when I'm sharing it with people, because no matter how far in or under I get, everyone -- at some level -- can relate. I think it's part of the human experience.
It amazes me that no matter how crazy or how weird things get, things have a habit of working out as they're supposed to. This weird game of connect-the-dots involving people, experiences, situations and choices once again reminds us that, as varied as some of our differences are, somewhere deep down we're all very similar, if not the same.
"Take My Advice, I'm Not Using It"
Boogie Man, you are all kinds of smart--you should listen to yourself!
Hang in there. Here's me sending best wishes for peace, happiness, joy, and love that I assure you are wholly unrelated to those people's upcoming holiday.
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