Tuesday, November 15, 2005

A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

When we wish to describe someone as "smart," we either regard them as "book-smart" -- ie they possess a lot of technical knowledge that most people do not -- or they are "street smart" -- conveying the notion that one possesses common sense and is quick and able to think on his/her feet.

The world is not getting smarter, if today's news courtesy of CNN is proof. Based on the article found here, Sylvia Johnson, 41, of Golden, Colorado, wanted to be a "cool mom" so she began throwing parties -- replete with drugs and alcohol -- for her high-school-age son and his friends. Unfortunately, Ms. Johnson forgot she was the mother in this equation and began having sex with her son's friends -- five of them, actually. All told, she had sex with five different boys aged 15 to 17, and admitted in the arrest affidavit that she provided tequila, methamphetamines and marijuana at these parties (in addition, presumably, to sex). So she was indicted for contributing to the deliquency of a minor (several charges) as well as child endangerment, sexual assault and -- get this -- more counts of contributing to the deliquency of a minor when she let her daughter -- a 14-year-old -- drive her and her son (and a 15-year-old friend, natch) of his to the arraignment.

The truth, indeed, is stranger than fiction. And I think it's pretty clear that we're all going to hell.

The other thing is this: while it'd be cool to have a 41-year-old mom be hookin' me up with drugs, alcohol, sex and pizza while I was in high school, it wouldn't be great if she looked like Ms. Johnson (here's her mugshot). If she looked like this, I'd be begging for her to contribute to my deliquency, and to assault me sexually -- in fact, I'd probably drop out of school to facilitate said assaults. But assuming Ms. Johnson even remotely resembles her mugshot, then I would suggest that this story be shared throughout the land to warn against the ills brought about by alcohol -- after all, the story is set in the land of Coors -- Golden, Colorado.

Moral Of The Story:
Stay sober, and stay outta the news. Or you too might have illicit, mind-scarring sex with a heinous-milf in cheap beer country.

4 comments:

Belle said...

Wow, what a standup mom! I think I wanna' be friends with her and find out all her secrets of being the perfect mother! Oy vey.

Kaia said...

I totally need to find out who does her hair - that homeless chic thing is SO taking off!

Boogie said...

Au contraire, TJ -- she's NOT the perfect mother...

She got caught :)

Can you imagine the shame the one guy it was whose mother complained? Based on what I read, one of the boys' mothers realized what was going on and apparently went to the police. So essentially, if having repeated sexual episodes with the bane of the DEA wasn't awful enough, one lucky guy gets to be known as the one whose mom ratted out Sylvia, the drug-peddlin,' alcohol-buyin' easy lay.

I bet it was Kyle Broflowski's mom ;)

Perfect mom? I think not ;)

Belle said...

Hmmm...perhaps I need to work on my sarcasm a bit.