Top Ten Signs You're A Hockey Fan

In honor of the commencement (finally) of a new hockey season and a new era for the NHL, I decided to put together (with help from my other half) a small checklist to help the reader determine whether he/she is indeed a true hockey fan.

You know, as an American citizen, all the words to Oh, Canada, but don't know all the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

You suffered withdrawal symptoms the day they announced the NHL Lockout.

You regularly watch recordings of games -- regular-season games -- that were played over a year ago.

You know Theoren Fleury is not an infectious disease and Jaromir Jagr is not a beverage.

Every time you see rolls of aluminum foil in the market, you silently recall the Hanson Brothers telling Paul Newman "We're puttin' on the foil, coach!"

Every time you watch SportsCenter and hear some mention of the Texas Rangers, you silently think to yourself that the Texas Rangers could probably play better hockey than the New York Rangers.

You know that a Zamboni isn't an Italian delicacy.

You know a hip check is not some kind of medical insurance reimbursement plan.

You plan your vacation around the NHL Playoffs.

You know Valeri Bure could kick your ass.

"Miracle!" is your favorite movie. "Slap Shot" is your runner-up. And you've seen "Youngblood" -- even if you aren't willing to admit it -- more than once.

The last time your significant other was in a bad mood and picked a fight with you, you raised your hand, pointed at him/her, and yelled "Instigating!"

You have -- at one time or another -- advised your significant other that "Hockey players do it on ice." And then you prove it.

Enjoy the season, no matter where or how you do it.