Domestic Unbliss, New-Style

A somewhat distressing, nearly so-weird-it's-funny entry in the back sports pages, comes from Regina, Saskatchewan: a kicker who missed a crucial overtime 18-yard field goal attempt during the Canadian Football League's West Final returned home to find something not quite right. According to the FoxSports article from which this information was gleaned, "Within hours, eggs were thrown at his home and manure dumped on his lawn."

Apparently, fans were ticked off that he'd missed such an easy, no-brainer game-winner. And reacted accordingly.

First, the eggs hit the house. About an hour later, as the kicker's wife (the kicker himself had not yet arrived home) was cleaning up the eggs, another car showed up with the manure. Soon thereafter, a third car showed up, one which bore occupants who threatened the "property owner." Subsequently, police arrested Mark Conrad Lehmond, 31, who was charged with making threats and is scheduled to appear in court Dec. 15. Police were still investigating.

On the surface, this is kind of humorous -- so long as no one got hurt, it's a sort-of "fan-first" mentality, where the athlete is no longer an entity removed from reality, but one in which he is directly accountable to the fan. It's a bit different, however, than the random asshole driving by an athlete who blew a big situation and hearing "You suck!"

But imagine the possibilities...Scott Norwood would have to move to Alaska to avoid the ridicule he must continue to endure after his easy game-winner in the Super Bowl against the Giants sailed wide. Or the abuse Bill Buckner has had to endure since a little dribbler against the Mets cost Boston another eight years of futility (let's not discuss the Red Sox -- blech).

I was in the stands the night Jeffrey Mayer snagged an easy out for a home run in the Yankees' 1996 post-season run (during a game against Baltimore). I was there for what everyone thought would be Lawrence Taylor's final game (in which he got injured and was carted off the field against the Green Bay Packers). These are big-time sports moments...and even when my teams' players screw up, I've never had the thought to get in my car or pick up the phone and harass or abuse said player(s). It's an interesting phenomenon, professional sports, that strips mere mortals of their common sense, apparently, when their team loses; there have been riots, fires and overturning of vehicles post-loss as well as post-win. And it seems that, with the exception of New York, every major city that has won a championship brings out the riot gear and the extended police presence with the revelers and the beer.

Now I'm not one to knock people getting into sports -- far from it. I've got favorites in the "four" major sports (baseball, football, basketball and hockey) and never stray. It just seems to me that each beer imbibed during a sports contest doubles the opportunity for a person's asshole quotient to come out. This "AQ," which is almost scientific, involves a lot of factors and variables; most notably, does said Asshole own and often wear (especially during sports contests) the uniform of the team? Does the person lose count of how much beer they drink during the first period of a game? And does the person have to worry about driving thereafter? Or, more importantly, is he drinking without concern for random post-game vomiting?

I've found beer to be an interesting additive for modern sports: NFL football is great, but with greatness comes responsibility, and Paul Tagliabue, as Commissioner of the NFL, has made sure that every major beer producer sponsors and buys ad time on NFL telecasts. Interesting, then, that alcohol-tinged incidents occur in and around stadiums hosting games each weekend.

After reading the aforementioned news item at Foxsports.com (the link is below), it makes me wonder if disgruntled, sober fans would actually consider threatening the wife of a CFL kicker, light their cities on fire, or overturn cars or even ambulances. It's with a bit of sadness, wistful disappointment and sober disbelief that I read that story; if it continues, these incidents will inspire a lot of sadness and a lot of head-shaking. But it makes me wonder -- unless there is a huge cottage industry in decrying it, will common sense advocates go after beer and pro sports the way they have Big Tobacco and manufacturers of firearms? Will we, as society, excise or address the real problem, or will we merely glean over the obvious problem with a band-aid like a half-time beer cutoff?

About three years ago I went to Yankee Stadium to see the Yankees vs. the Mariners. There were a group of a half-dozen guys, none older than 25, who were drinking well before the first pitch. By the third inning, they were on a first-name basis with the local beer guys and were spending $7 for watery beer out of paper cups. By my estimates, they went through $250 for beer between the six of them. And by the fourth inning, when three of them went to the bathroom, one of them couldn't quite navigate his way back up the steps to return to the seats. It's humorous because it's pathetic, and we as a society find slapstick in stupidity. But as much as it's funny, it's almost a relief to know that the majority of these geniuses aren't getting into a car to drive the belchy group home -- the Bronx isn't notorious for inviting people and their cars. But what's really distressing is that, despite the "7th inning cutoff," why is it that society turns a blind eye to mass beer consumption in connection with sporting events and nowhere else? Do we believe Madison Avenue's portrayal of beer as a mass of supermodels, bikinis, the beach and the pure, driven snow of Colorado? Or should it be the picture of the Asshole (see Asshole Quotient, above) and/or his mugshot to remind us that should this behavior escalate, we'll have more visitors to area hospitals and morgues? Stupidity on a mass level is dangerous when it's fueled by the millions of dollars advertising revenue generates. But it's even more dangerous when it's allowed to grow and expand, unchecked and ignored.

Drink responsibly my ass.

http://msn.foxsports.com/story/3166662