Another Two, Not For The Road

With a few really solid films floating around theaters these days, and Kaia's visit approaching faster than Michael Phelps on 'roids, I opted to avoid seeing anything in theaters until Kaia actually arrived so we could pick n' choose. Since I was stuck in repairing the closet and getting everything back together, the alternative to heading out with friends, etc., was to manage a couple films between cleaning, organizing and all that other stuff that I usually leave to other people :-D

So after the fiasco that was Harsh Times, I opted for a double-feature this weekend, in between bouts of cleaning and closet organization (and avoidance of Facebook's inevitable virus infection that nailed a dozen or so friends, each of which apparently have hidden video of me in a compromising position (like that's the first time I've heard that).

So...the double-feature. First, and foremost, a film that most people heard about is "Dan in Real Life," a drama starring Steve Carell, along with a talented ensemble, including Juliette Binoche, Dane Cook, John Mahoney, Dianne Wiest and Emily Blunt. It's another in the vein of "The Family Stone" -- which is to say it's got humor, sadness, awkwardness and angst -- mixed with tension, embarrassment, conflict and resolution all rolled into one Hallmark-friendly package.

It's a nice, solid movie; but inasmuch as most of us have crazy families -- at least in part -- do we really want to be allowed into someone else's crazy family weekend? Whether it's a love story or a story about how life -- whether as a married couple or as a widower/single parent -- it's very difficult to watch this film from start to finish without wondering why you're peeking in on someone else's occasional misfortune. It's sort of like having to walk a mile in someone else's shoes and realizing after two steps you shouldn't have bothered. I can't bemoan having watched this film but I couldn't help but wonder why they bothered getting Steve Carell, who is comedy gold, to do a morose, sort of depressing story about life when his gift is comedy which makes you laugh until your sides hurt.

The other film I saw is 2003's "Oldboy," a Korean film that won Palmes D'or that year, awarded by a panel headed by Quentin Tarantino. This film is presented in Korean with subtitles and, at two hours long, is a bit difficult to follow but well worth the effort.

The main character, Dae-su Oh, is a drunken idiot who takes much of his life -- and his wife and young daughter -- for granted. Suddenly, he finds himself imprisoned in something more like a hotel room than a cell, and he begins to try and figure out who has done this to him, and why. He spends fifteen years in this makeshift prison, and he plots his escape and revenge.

This film is gritty, visceral and -- at times -- downright repulsive -- but it's the kind of thing you sit through and experience like an early AC/DC album. Not every moment is easily absorbed but you'll be riveted nonetheless. And the tenets of revenge and redemption intertwine in a very clever, disconcerting manner against the oddly juxtaposed dichotomy involving and between hunter and hunted. This was a heavy duty almost modern-day re-telling of The Count of Monte Cristo, with a lot more in-your-face violence and a lot more power. It felt a bit longer than its two hour running time, and it was difficult keeping track of the actors (there's the passage of time and the language problem to consider, like in many Japanese horror/thrillers). However, it was worth watching and it should be available through many Sundance On-Demand channels. I won't ruin any more of the story or the surprise, but I do recommend seeing the film, from start to finish, making sure it's available for repeat viewings if/where applicable.

Harsh Times Indeed

About a year ago -- maybe more -- I watched a movie directed by Brad Anderson called "The Machinist" starring Christian Bale. Released in 2004, I'm not sure on what movie channel it was being shown but I came across it and recorded it and fired it up without any real info other than Christian Bale was its star.

It was a bit intense, but like everything else in Christian Bale's body of work, it was jarring and memorable. It's the story of Trevor Reznik, a guy who is obsessed with some recent and not-so-recent events in his past. As such, he's an insomniac and has trouble handling day-to-day life. For the role, Bale -- in the vein of Marlon Brando and Robert DeNiro -- lost a third to half his body weight to depict the troubled, almost quasi-human character. It's uncomfortable seeing his bones just below the skin, but as was the case with DeNiro in Taxi Driver -- or even The Untouchables -- it's a level of commitment that's rarely seen in the age of CGI and blue-screen backgrounds.

So...the other night I'm navigating the 12,000 channels currently fed into my world via an HD DVR box, and I came across "Harsh Times," another Christian Bale movie of which I'd heard nothing about. The brief info attached to the upcoming movie described it as a story about an Iraq war vet with some psychological problems starting shit all over LA. Also in the film were Eva Longoria-Parker-Whatever and Terry Crews (one of the bad-guy brothers in Norbit). Done...set to record.

Anyway, I watched it -- in pieces -- and although the beginning was really solid, the movie wound down pretty quickly. Christian Bale's character, apparently, is some former street-scumbag from East LA, so half the movie involves lines tinged with "ese," "homie" or "bro." This is all well and good -- much like the film "Training Day," there's nothing wrong with showing the gritty, repulsive side of East LA (is there any other?). It just kinda falls flat when you know Christian Bale isn't even remotely close to being that sorta dude. Picture Kenneth Branagh playing a pimp in the South Bronx -- that's about the same incongruity.

The movie does, however, depict an interesting dichotomy; it shows how some of the most capable military troops -- Rangers, Green Berets, et al -- aren't all farm boys from Kansas and Nebraska. Some of them are from urban, low-end parts of the countries from backgrounds -- not religious or ethnic, but cultural -- that would make many of their superiors blush. Otherwise, however, it was a waste of two hours and a lot of talent (at least in the case of Christian Bale).

To sum it up, if the powers that be took "Dude, Where's My Car" and made it a crime drama, and removed essentially all entertainment value therefrom, it would be "Harsh Times."

The Uncanny Genius of "All In"

If you've seen the 2006 movie "All In," no doubt you will likely confirm my observations as listed below.

First, the cast is impressive: it includes Dominique Swain (as Ace -- LOL), Michael Madsen and Louis Gossett Jr. (in a rare non-Iron Eagle-sequel role).

Second, the movie, released in 2006, managed to seize on the notoriety of the poker craze that seems to occupy the nation these days. Turn on one of the fifty ESPN channels or FoxSports -- or even NBC -- late at night (after 1AM) and there is poker on TV.

Third, the movie incorporates the "Gen X" demographic much more efficiently than did other similar movies like "21," "Rounders" or "Lucky You."

And finally, the movie was atrociously awful.

There should be some sort of device attached to cable boxes that will spit out a $20 each time a shitty movie is broadcast and watched for its entirety. Or, if this wasn't feasible, perhaps cable companies broadcasting this type of dreck could simply tag these types of shitty movies with a "Ball-Kick" logo during the opening credits. Then, you as the viewer could simply press a button on your remote, and a representative from the cable company -- likely a large guy wearing steel-toed boots -- would come by your house or apartment and kick you in the balls, thus saving you 1:45 or so without your losing the same sensation as if you sat through the entire film.

Or, conversely, you could just check these pages prior to watching a movie you suspect will be shitty. However, unfortunately, when reading the members of this film's cast -- like Gene Hackman and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio in the 1991 film "Class Action" -- it's not always easy to determine the well-cast yet nonetheless incredibly awful films from the run-of-the-mill time-wasting films like Lindsey Lohan's "I Know Who Killed Me."

So the next time you opt to pick up the remote and fire up your home theater, remember: caveat emptor.

And look for that "Ball-Kick" logo coming to a cable company near you.